How to Start Believing in Yourself Again After a Breakup
Breakups can take a toll on your life. And no matter how many times you listen to those breakup songs, the pain doesn’t seem to go away. Besides that, your ego takes a big hit after a breakup. Everything you ever worked towards, everything you loved about your partner, everything you ever shared is all gone. And at this moment, all you are left with are your thoughts.
You could easily fall into a negative spiral during this moment, which affects your self-esteem in the long run. You may even start feeling worthless and inadequate. No doubt, a breakup will make you think the worst about yourself. The simple fact that the person you loved most walked out of your life. You start seeing yourself as a piece of cabbage. And even worse, you start believing it.
That’s why finding your way back to who you are will take a lot of time and effort. But when you first allow yourself to heal from your breakup, you become ready to start working on yourself and make the needed steps to your self-growth. That said, here are a few tips that you need to follow to start believing in yourself again and boost your self-esteem.
Acknowledge That You are Not the Things Your Ex Said About You
Often, after a breakup, the picture you have about yourself stems from the hurtful, angry words and descriptions your ex threw at you. As much as we may try to ignore all this, when such words are said by the person we loved and trusted, they can hurt a lot.
But first, you need to see yourself as whole, distinct and separate from all that toxic energy that stemmed from that relationship. It would help if you acknowledged that the things that were said about you hurt your self-esteem. Once you recognize that something is not right, you have a better chance of fixing it. Hence, you can now rebuild your self-worth and define you.
Be Compassionate to Yourself
Once you acknowledge your self-esteem suffered due to your ex’s perception towards you, you will be able to handle all negative thoughts differently. So, instead of letting the harsh words crush your self-image, you will treat these verbal daggers with more compassion.
I’m not saying that you push the negative thoughts away or handle them as if they are a problem. What you need to do is just let the feelings be and treat them with a lot of love and care. Flood everything with compassion instead of dwelling on the things that hurt you. That way, you will let the painful thoughts pass by instead of them bringing you down.
Distance Yourself from Your Ex
The best thing to do after a break up is to distance yourself from the source of hurt. Therefore, it’s healthy to cut off all sorts of contact with him. It would be best if you stayed away from him as much as you can since he is your hurt source. That means you need to avoid texting, calling, or even stalking him on social media.
You may feel bad if your ex cuts all contact with you, but keeping contact will only deepen the wounds. So, please don’t know what he has been up to. Communicating after a break up won’t make things any better. Also, thinking that you can probably now become friends is a little far-fetched. Often, when a relationship was damaged, trust was broken too.
That said, it’s better that you try to focus on improving yourself. There’s something the breakup took from you, and you need to find it again. Start practicing being yourself, being present, and working on your self-esteem. You can even use affirmations like ‘I am worthy,’ ‘I trust myself.’
Conquer the Things You Once Put Aside
There might be a few things that you were never able to accomplish in your previous relationship. The partnership that was always holding you back didn’t work, so instead of throwing your life under the bus, go after the things you always wanted for yourself.
Therefore, you can focus on projects that help you feel brave and accomplished. Go after the things that may even spark that new venture for you to explore. It would be best if you didn’t let a past relationship stop you from achieving your goals.
So, it’s the best time to dust off your shoulders and work on building up your self-esteem. And the best way to achieve that is by going after the things that used to make you feel alive.
Surround Yourself with Family and Friends
Family and friends are a healthy support system for you, especially after a breakup. Therefore, they will help you not only to heal but also to start feeling more confident about yourself again. The best thing about being around your friends and family is that they will provide you with a shoulder to lean on whenever you feel sad and lonely.
Also, get to spend some quality time with your friends and family. In that, you should get out of the house and do something fun with a few friends. There is no stipulated date as to when you will stop feeling the way you do.
But the good thing is that with your loved ones by your side, you will be able to rebuild the confidence and self-esteem you lost. They will help remind you why you deserve to be happy and eventually realize your worth.
You must understand that just because your relationship didn’t work out, there’s something wrong with you. Some relationships are meant to teach you life lessons. So, as you work on your growth, don’t try so much to think of all the things you could have done differently. Instead of obsessing on past mistakes, accept that you are human. It’s never too late to learn and even better, try again.
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